CT INSIDER + DARIEN TIMES
By Barry Halpin
As Brian waits for the train, he unrolls his shirt sleeve and a stem with a hit of crack just waiting to be lit up rolls out onto the platform. He’s recently out of rehab, where he spent five months putting his life back together again and now he’s facing temptation with a capital T.
In one fell swoop he picks it up and tosses it into the garbage can. Days later, there’s an unexpected offer for a hit and he turns it down. Two defining moments on Brian’s road to recovery.
He’s bright, articulate, talented, with boyish good looks and a great sense of humor; he looks nothing like most people’s idea of a drug addict. Then again, addiction cuts across all age, ethnic, racial and socioeconomic boundaries; there is no such thing as a stereotypical drug addict.
Brian was president of his elementary school and an honor student in middle school. His health classes and parents’ message come across loud and clear. He drew his line in the sand, swearing he would never smoke cigarettes, drink or do drugs.
His free fall into the abyss of addiction began innocently enough, like it does for just about everyone. Growing up and becoming a drug addict is not part of his personal mission statement but the summer before high school he begins drinking with some friends and takes his first baby steps towards that abyss.
High school soon became “HIGH” school as Brian went from being a ‘weekend warrior’ to smoking pot every day during his junior year, as well as sniffing cocaine and taking hallucinogenics. It was a nonstop party. His life was spinning out of control, and he joked about being a drug addict, a self-fulfilling prophecy if there ever was one.
The line he drew in middle school was being crossed with regularity and then redrawn as drugs that were once unacceptable became acceptable. He rationalized it all by saying, “at least there are still things I will never stoop to do,” and made sure he always has someone to look down on, soothing himself with the knowledge that “hey, I’m nowhere near as bad off as that guy.”
Brian’s parents believed that boarding school would be the magical cure, get him away from his get-high buddies and set their wayward son straight. But Brian had no intention of changing and continued to get high. He’s finally thrown out, and it’s back to his original high school to have a second go at his junior year, which he never completed.
His downhill slide continued and by 19 he’s strung out on heroin, waiting to get into rehab. Yet, he found bizarre solace with the fact that no matter how bad things were, there’s one line he still hadn’t crossed: “I wasn’t smoking crack!” When he looks back, he can only smile. “It’s so insane, but that’s an addict’s way of thinking.”
His first arrest for car theft led to an 11 month stay in rehab and soon he was pinballing from rehab to aftercare; with stops along the way at a Wilderness treatment facility in Montana and an aftercare program in Louisiana. A little clean time followed by relapse; hope followed by despair. It’s a road many drug addicts take.
Two weeks after finishing his aftercare program, he was drunk again and in a heartbeat, he’s living ‘The Nightmare on Crack Street’ and getting shot at. There were no more lines to cross and all his lame excuses as to why were just that. All he knew was how to get high. His life was a living hell, but somehow through his crack haze, it finally dawned on him that it was time to end the insanity and get off the streets he’d been rippin’ and runnin’ on.
He returned home looking like hell, high on crack, with no money, no friends and no prospects and begged his dad to find him a rehab. He said he was willing to listen and consider another way of living. It had finally crystallized that he can never beat drugs or regulate his use; one’s too many and a thousand’s not enough. It was his moment of clarity: he saw the insanity of it all and knew he needed to get on with living and start to rewrite his story.
Brian entered Liberation House in 1999 and again drew a line in the sand: declaring for everyone to hear who will still listen, most importantly himself, that he will never do drugs again. He remembered drawing the line in middle school but knows this time is different. Life had smacked him around silly and taught him a lesson that steels his resolve.
He graduated from college, Summa Cum Laude, with a degree in Media Studies and Digital Culture. He’s also given an outstanding achievement award and a gold medal of excellence, and is a member of the Delta Epsilon Sigma national honor society. Today, Brian runs two video production company and is a freelance cameraman for NBC Sports, ESPN and NFL Films.
Equally important to him is that he gives back to the community, by sponsoring other recovering addicts and visiting local high schools with me to deliver prevention messages. Brian has the unique gift of being able to reach both high school students and hard core addicts. He’s down to earth and tells it like it is.
For the addicts he has street ‘cred’, knows what it’s like to be starting out on the road to recovery and gives them hope. He tells them, “You may have had a harder life but no one loves drugs anymore then me. If I can stop using, you can.” They listen and nod knowingly.
For the students, he also has credibility, tells a powerful story they can relate to and makes them laugh. His message hits close to home. I have seen him capture the attention of over 800 high school students – no easy task by any means.
Recently, Brian spoke to the Junior Health classes at Wilton High School, something he has been doing for the past six years. He told them about his journey from high school student to drug addict and shared stories of his time spent in rehab and jail. He ends his presentation by saying: “And you know what, I haven’t had a bad day since I’ve been clean. Bad things happen but I deal with them.”
“Students have said to me that Brian’s presentation has made them stop and think about the choices they make,” said health teacher, Roseann DeSimone. “Brian has been quoted in many of my students research projects in regard to how they admire his honesty and respect his recovery. His presentation is the crown jewel of my Junior Health Class.”
Says Brian: “I found the key of life and not to share it would be the most selfish thing I could do. If my story can save one kid out of a thousand from becoming a slave to a chemical and experiencing the years of pain and misery that I did, that would be great.”
Barry Halpin is a prevention specialist for Liberation Programs, a substance abuse health-care agency based in Stamford that provides substance abuse counseling to adolescents and their families in Darien. He’s also the director of the county-wide Peer Players, an adolescent theater company.
